Family sermon 2015

Most of you know that as a priest, I do marriage counseling time to time. It is butter and honey before the matrimony service,   then it continues as a honeymoon season.            

I listen to lots of joyful and beautiful words people say to each other, dream together, share their future plans.  

    But sometimes I also hear these words:  “We’re getting a divorce,- father,- it’s for the best.   We are grown up people and we understand that we cannot live together anymore. We’re just too different.” Hours of conversations, most of the time ended with nothing because couples are stuck with the idea of  ‘’We are so different’’.    

But what is wrong with being different?              

I think it is better to be different.  

Being different will help us to have prosperous marriage.                  

Being different is what attracted people toward each other.

    This Phrase “We’re too different we can’t continue to live as a couple” is extremely dangerous in a marriage. 

    My first respond is these words is- do not give up, fight to save your marriage, your family. What happened to your promise in the church? Promise to love and care for each other. The moment you say “I do,”  you are responsible for your marriage and the survival of your marriage.

    It’s so much easier to point the finger and to shift the blame or say we are different, than try to understand and take the responsibility to fix it. .. The moment you let go of your responsibility, you have let go of your relationship-because no matter what the problem at hand is:

it always takes two. 

    What can we do to be sure that our marriages are strong? It is always better to get ready before the storm hits. So here are some guidance for us:

Stay connected as a married couple.          

Invest in your daily quality conversations.          

In my case it is conversations around the kitchen table, only a few minutes. Few minutes is not enough.

    Put away the laptops, the cell phones, the tablets and look at each other eyes and communicate. Communicating your needs to your spouse, that is the key for happiness at home.      

    There is always something you need from your husband. Do not assume he should now it.   You don’t know how to ask him for it? Ask Direct. That is how men talk, direct. From experience,  I know that men and women use a different language,  we need a translator.

You ask your wife ‘is it ok if I spend Saturday afternoon with my friends from church?’’  She answers- Yes of corse….. In the same evening-    you hear from here: ‘‘again with friends?   no time for your family?’’  ‘‘But you said it was ok’’? She said that,  but it means something else.

Or you decided a couple of weeks ago to go to a birthday celebration.  You rush home, in 5 minutes you get ready and your wife is not! ‘I am not going’  she says!  What happened? You ask, “nothing”  she says.   “you can go by yourself” she says. Do you have headache? You ask, “no”  she says,  “bad day?”   you say,   “no”  she replies ,

Is grandma ill?  You ask,  “no”.  Then what is it?     “I do not have a dress to wear”.    Then why you did not say that when I asked what happened?     I did say nothing, nothing to wear.  

So we need to work on our vocabulary to help understand each other.

It will take time and effort, on both sides.   

    Stop bringing that excuse that you are busy. Too busy to stay connected with the one you love? Many wives tell me with hidden pride, – my husband is too busy. Why proudly? Because in our society being busy means being successful.   What is it that success? Good job, good car, good home,  good image, but sometimes broken relationship. Find time to communicate with your spouse and do not talk about finances only, God has plans for you. 

    Busy life brings lots of stress, it can reflect on your marriage.

Talk about it, tell your spouse your problems and carry each other’s load. If not, one day you will explode and endanger your marriage.

Think about this,  Marriage is one ongoing life lesson in “unselfishness.” You carry her burden and she carries yours. 

    We all try to do the right things in our family life, sometimes we fail and we do things that are harmful to our spouses. Go back and find an answer for it. I don’t know who’s mistake is it , but give a chance and time to one another to fix it. It is called forgiving. Forgiveness is not about excusing husbands or wives,  it’s about freeing ourselves to receive healing from the God who forgives many times. 

    The most harming thing we can do for our relationship, is to remind our spouse their past or previous mistakes. The past may impact our lives, ok, but, now leave it there and move forward.    

    Learn to laugh.   For grumpy Armenians let me explain: It is like this:  you open your mouth , you take a big breath and start making a “ha ha ha” sound. I don’t know, for some of us it is so difficult to see humor in our troubles. Laughter is good treatment, for broken hearts. And it doesn’t take a lot of effort to find things to laugh about. There are many jokes and funny stories, that will cheer you up.      

    I like this T -hirt message:  “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,   And the other is the husband”. 

    You want to live with your love one happy ever after?     

    Protect, nourish, and prioritize your marriage.